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09/26/2001 Archived Entry: "Becky's Regrettable But Delicious Meatloaf"

Becky Bennett, the 25-year-old producer of “Food Talk,” my radio program, came into work the other day raving about the meatloaf she had made the night before. Beck is not much of a cook, so I was pleased that she’d made any effort beyond chicken breast on her George Forman grill.

“It was the best meatloaf I ever ate, except for my mother’s,” said Becky.

“How did you make it,” I asked with genuine curiosity.

“I got the recipe from a website called allrecipes. You’re not going to like it, Arthur. It had canned fried onions, and ketchup, and ranch dressing mix, and Stove-Top stuffing.”

“Oh, Becky, I am so disappointed,” I answered – predictably. “So much junk! Why didn’t you make the meatloaf recipe that’s on my website?”

“I looked at it,” she said. “But you need to mince an onion for it and I don’t know how to mince an onion. It seemed like too much work. Mine was really, really good though, Arthur.”

“I doubt it,” I said curtly.

Still, I couldn’t resist taking a look at the recipe. Then curiosity got the better of me. I had to, had to, had to make the recipe. I had to see how terrible it was.

Shopping for the ingredients was a strange experience. I had never bought “dry ranch-style salad dressing mix” or “herb-seasoned dry bread stuffing mix. And although, as a child, I used to love French’s salty, crispy, greasy “French-fried onions” in the can as much as, maybe even more than potato chips, I haven’t indulged in them in decades. So I needed some help from the supermarket staff to locate these items. Then it was a hard decision about the stuffing mix. Becky told me to use Stove-Top, but the market didn’t have “herb-seasoned,” only chicken, turkey and pork flavor. So I went for the Kellog’s, “Crouettes,” which claims to have “five savory herbs.” When I finally found the fried onions m at the bottom of a shelf in the snack section, hidden behind the pretzel display, a six-ounce can of them seemed awfully large, as much bulk as the chopped meat. But that’s what the recipe called for.

I joked with Becky that this meatloaf wasn’t cooking. It was assembling. It takes about three minutes to throw together. And the reason it took me even that long was because, being the careful test-cook that I am, I felt compelled to measure the dry salad dressing mix so I would use exactly half. (The package contains three tablespoons, in case you’re interested.) I also measured out, instead of eyeballing, the three-quarters of a cup of “Crouettes.” It didn’t seem like much, but I dutifully followed the directions. It’s when I realized that the whole can of fried onions was incredibly expensive, almost as pricey as the over-priced chopped chuck I bought at the most expensive supermarket in the neighborhood, that I had the revelation about why this is such a horrible recipe. It’s the economy, dummy.

The meatloaf turned out great. Becky was right. It was delicious. I would never have guessed what was in it had I been served it. It was vastly better than most meatloaves you get in diners or restaurants. The fried onions somehow melted into the meat. It wasn’t nearly as salty as you would think, either, given the stratospheric sodium content of it’s processed ingredients.

In the end, it’s the price that gets me. This little meatloaf, serving four at the absolute most, costs nearly $10. More than half of that is for the convenience products -- $3.69 for the fried onions alone, another 80 cents (!!!) for the half package of salad dressing mix.

As soon as I mentioned this meatloaf on the radio, everyone was clamoring for the recipe, calling Becky for details. So you won’t be bothering her while we’re on the air and tying up our precious few phone lines, here it is in full detail.

Becky’s Regrettable But Delicious Meatloaf

For the record, this recipe was submitted to allrecipes by Stefanie Sierk, who introduced it by saying “This is a recipe I created since I discovered the versatility of meatloaf.” She says the “prep time” is 10 minutes, which means she a slow package opener. And that the meatloaf serves six, which means her crew has a much smaller appetite than mine or Becky’s. Stefanie also instructs us to bake the loaf in a 9 by 5-inch loaf pan, covered with foil. To me, the best part of a meatloaf is the crust (I love the ends), and to get the most crust I bake my meatloaves free-form in a shallow baking dish, uncovered. That’s what I did here. Also, if I ever make this again (stranger things have happened), I would use the whole package of salad dressing mix. I mean, what am I going to do with the rest of this stuff. I’m certainly not going to ruin a salad with it.

Serves 4, maybe more

1 1/2 pounds ground chuck
2 eggs, beaten
1/4 cup ketchup
3/4 herb-seasoned dry bread stuffing mix
1/2 (1 ounce) package dry ranch-style salad dressing mix
1 6-ounce can French-fried onions

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

In a large bowl, combine all the ingredients and mix well. (I used a fork to start, then my hands).

Gather the meat and plop it into a small, shallow baking dish (I used a 7 by 11-inch, 2-quart pyrex), shaping it into a mounded loaf.

Bake for 50 minutes. Remove from the oven and let rest 10 minutes before slicing.